Being five

Dear Mom and Dad,
As you have probably forgotten, it is my birthday today. I am five years old now. Please donot think that I'm angry with you or anything. After the really horrible (Sharon uses that word, she says it means 'really bad') fight you both had last night, I didn't think you would remember.
Teacher Susie says five is a big age, so I'm a big girl now. So I figured that I should be able to understand what you always said, 'You're too small to understand this'.
I asked my new best friend Jenny (she's really sweet, she gave me her pink ballet shoes for a day!) why you both fight so much. She said you were under 'divorce'. I didn't understand what she meant by that word, so I Googled it up. Divorce means 'final termination of a marrage..'.
I didn't know what termination meant, and then I got bored, so I left that and went to Sharon's house to play dress up. But now, I wanna ask you both, are you under divorce?
Please tell me, so that I can tell Jenny what the truth is.

This time, I don't want any pink skirt or shoes. I want a puppy. I've even found out the breed I want, so that you don't have to waste time doing that. I know you both are very busy. I want a cute little Labrador. A golden one. Did you know that Sharon just got one for herself, and named him Shadow? He's so cute, I want one too!
I've completed my Math homework, and I'm finishing up this letter too.
I've not even made any spelling mistakes this year, unlike the last year, when I spelled understand as 'unerstand'.
I love you both, so please donot fight on my birthday.
Love, Kelly.

The First Lesson

The sky was clear,
The sun had risen.
I prepared for flight
Distressed, shattered and broken.

I knew nothing about life,
But wanted to, at any cost.
However, scared and perplexed,
I was timid; half the battle was lost…

I shivered as I took one leap,
I shrieked as my eyes prepared for the fall,
My wings refused to budge at all;
I seemed petrified, a creature so small!

Then my mother gave me a push,
As if she too was fed up of me,
She caressed my head and pushed me off
Farewell, for a future so bleak?

My wings opened in a majestic way,
I rose from my home, into the sky.
I soared higher than the almighty perhaps,
I smiled, as my fears, drifted by…

My mother stared at me with love,
Her life seemed complete, all in all;
Her job was over, done well at that,
My life was hers, after all…

Unfolded

Part VIII

With a huge lump in my throat,
I turned to him and said,
‘I don’t know why I’m doing this,
But to you, my life I owe.’

‘You are the man, who marred my life,
And the one who made it too,
It’s you, who made an orphan out of me,
But who gave me a new life, too.’

‘I think enough has happened now,
And I needn’t explain any more,
You are all I have of my past.’
With this, I walked out of the door.

I felt glad when I heard his foot steps,
Finally, all questions had their answers,
He patted me on my head,
As we journeyed forth, thirty years…

Completeness came to my life,
Sometimes life carves its own way,
It’s God’s way of telling the world,
That He’s the king, they say…

After a century, I got a father,
Nostalgia was what I felt and breathed,
Each time he would pat me on my head,
Me, closer to my past, he would lead…

It’s as if I’m his penance,
And he’s nurtured me from the roots,
Maybe then, it was his hand,
That guided me through life’s pits, and wounds...

------------------**----------------------

P.S: I'm happy to announce that this series has finally come to an end. Whether you liked t or not, is not my problem :P But I am always ready for comments OR compliments (The latter, ofcourse is a better proposition :D )
Catcha later with something different... :)

Unfolded

Part VII

I scared you to your wits’ end,
I acted violent, mad, insane…
I pulled your hair and slapped you hard,
Thankfully, my sin didn't go in vain.

The next morning, when I returned,
I hoped not to see you there,
And I was the happiest when it happened,
You had gone, no matter where…

My life, now just had one purpose,
To wait for your return…
I gave up everything for just this day,
What life meant, I had to learn.

At times I felt you’d never come back,
And my sins would never be washed away,
But perhaps He has forgiven me,
As you turned up, today.

I needn’t ask for forgiveness,
As now I know, I’m forgiven,
I see a self made human in front of me…
Why should I weep and cry, then?

I shook with fear once again,
As he looked at me intensely,
My life, my existence, I owed to someone,
Someone, who’d also, marred my destiny.

I looked away, thoroughly taken aback,
The harsh truth had left me numb,
A decision, I had to make right now,
To emotional conflicts, I wouldn’t succumb.

P.S: Gosh! Just one more to go... :)

Unfolded

Part VI

It was a photograph, in black and white,
Him and my father in their best smiles,
It was one of the friendliest poses,
And completely shook my understanding of life…

‘You were perhaps too small to know,
That your father had a best friend…
A best friend who had been to jail thrice,
In the world of crime, his life he had spent.’

‘Your parents had to pay the price,
For all the sins that I had committed,
As my enemies stabbed them both that night,
The night after which they never returned.’

‘I couldn’t save them, they lay dead,
As I repented being a criminal;
I spent the two days just like you did,
Sobbing, hungry, tired and feeble…’

‘When I finally mustered up the courage,
To go and see you, and tell you the truth,
I saw you begging, and being kicked out,
And the helpless sight sealed my mouth.’

I stood in one corner and thought,
What I could do for you,
And then realized that my world of crime,
Didn’t leave space for adopting kids like you…

Moreover, you were a girl,
And my world was full of animals and beasts,
You wouldn’t be spared even for a fortnight,
My mind’s working completely ceased.

And then for the only time in my life,
I looked at the sky and said a prayer,
I begged Him to show me the way,
Your life, your future – I did care…

And then, something struck my mind,
It seemed to be the only way out…
It was also the biggest crime of my life,
But the only solution, the only way out…

P.S :To be continued...

Unfolded

Part V

This time no one pulled my locks,
And I wasn't slapped too,
It was as if he was waiting for me to turn,
While I stood there, with fear, blue…

I turned at last, breathing heavily,
And lifted my eyelids to face my past,
The same eyes, the same face,
And he spoke, at last…

‘I know you hate me, dear…
But the fact that you finally came back,
Tells me that you want to know,
And that night’s mystery you wish to track…’

‘You probably will never forgive me
For what I did to you that night,
But what I see in front of me today,
Tells me, that somehow, I did right.’

With these words, he entered my house,
And I followed him speechlessly,
This was the moment, my life’s mystery
Was unfolding, silently, slowly…

He took me back to my room again,
He picked up the toy gun in his hands,
He looked at me with a sad smile,
And reached for the pockets of his pants.

He handed something to me,
And I looked at him in horror,
He nodded, as though he understood,
And then explained, that night of terror…

P.S : To be continued...

Unfolded

Part IV

I ran as fast as my legs could,
Not once did I look back,
The fear gave me strength to run…
Away from my home, my slum, my shack…

When I finally stopped myself,
I had come a long way from home,
And here, in the city, I carved myself,
From pavements and shops…to a bed of foam…

People were nice, god was finally kind,
I made myself a new person forever,
But deep down, I still yearned to know…
Who turned that day of my life into a terror…?

My steps would want to go to that house,
And my heart would want to follow in line,
But the thought of meeting that man again,
Sent a shudder down my spine…

But thirty years later, I finally conceded,
And gave up everything, and walked…
I was fed up of that ‘why’ in my life,
I wanted answers, doors unlocked…

There wasn't any need to ask for the way,
As everyday, I saw it in my dreams,
And there, I landed in the past,
My eyes didn't shine, my eyes didn't gleam…

The toy gun fell from my hands.
And I came back, eyes moist,
I noticed now, that the slum was empty,
Not a single sound, except mine.

I tried to look for a breathing soul,
Someone who could give me my answers,
And then, I felt a hand on my shoulder,
It was the same hand, the same fingers…

P.S: To be continued...
P.S: Umm...I just discovered, there are 8 (not 6) parts to the poem. I duly apologise for such torture...which by the way, DOES NOT mean I'm not going to post them all.. :P

Unfolded

Part III

A six year old, I must have been,
Unaware of what destiny meant,
How a regular market walk would turn into a disappearance,
Is something, I had never even dreamt.

I touched the broken thing with a shiver,
As I recalled that scary night…
Three days had passed; I was hungry and tired,
And I begged my neighbors for a bite…

I whined and sobbed and cried and wept,
As they drove me away one by one,
I begged from one house to another,
And tried to distract myself with my toy gun.

After long, I felt a hand on my shoulder
I rejoiced; they had come back, returned!
But then, I felt someone pull my locks,
And a huge slap, I earned.

He snatched my toy gun, and held me tight,
He dragged me through the way,
I shrieked with fear and utmost disgust,
As he got me home, and walked away.

Puzzled, I ran after him,
And held him by the hand,
He threw me to one side of my room,
I saw the toy gun, now broken, beside me land…

He latched the door, and went away,
As I sat there nursing my wounded hand,
I knew I couldn’t live here anymore,
His coming back, I couldn’t stand…

I looked around nervously,
And saw the window, open, free…
Not once thinking of what I was doing,
I made my life’s biggest leap…

P.S : To be continued...

Unfolded

Part II

As I tried to open that brown and broken door,
A whiff of smells gathered about me,
The smell of the creeper that grew there long ago,
And the smell of mother-cooked food that I relished with glee…

Cobwebs covered the hinges now,
No more did it seem welcoming enough,
Apprehensively, I pushed it apart,
My home, my house – overcoming nostalgia is tough…

I saw a tiny me over there,
Sitting on the floor and uttering gibberish,
Across me, sat she, my creator…
Listening to me – no matter however childish…

I felt like standing there forever,
But I had come with a purpose here…
I ventured into the house like a stranger,
When I knew its every nook and corner.

My father’s study table still stood there,
And there he was - his bespectacled face…
He called to me, with loving hands,
As I stood there, shocked, amazed…

I blinked my eyes rapidly,
As I reached the final room,
This was what I never wanted to do,
This room, held everything responsible for my gloom…

Bravely, I opened that last door,
Bracing myself for the ultimate breakdown…
It seemed as if I was thirty years back,
When this room was my world, my country, my town…

Everything lay as it is, no tampering whatsoever,
My Barbie doll, my car, my book,
Each thing seemed so completely mine,
Except one thing, which I saw, and shook…


P.S : To be continued...

Unfolded

Part I

A feeble step in the dingy lanes,
A scared look at the filth around me,
I was as nervous as a new born child,
That night – it was as scary as could be…

It was a search in vain – I knew,
But my last try to rebuild my past.
In these dark slums and dirty shacks,
Memories of my childhood would forever last.

The innocence of my goofy smile,
Had been lost in this hut I stood before,
The day my parents just never returned,
And the last time I saw that shapeless door.

Thirty years, and I decided to return,
Looking for a familiar face, thing, place…
The life I had lived wasn't gratifying enough,
My parents’ existence, I had to trace.

My past was better than the present
And I wanted it back at any cost,
I had to dig up lots of buried truths now,
No matter, if my identity would be lost…

It was enlightenment, salvation perhaps,
This was what life had decided for me,
My life, an unsolved mystery till today,
Would be revealed, after years – so many…


P.S: To be continued...
P.P.S : I'm sorry for my long absence from the blog world. I just got bored of life. Thankfully I'm back.

Leave the kids ALONE....

(No plaguarism intended...it's in context with the BOARDS )

Okay, let me put it as honestly as possible…boards do screw you up completely. They take away all your illusions about how life is so nice. And believe me, I am NOT kidding…
And as I walk down the memory lane, the only feeble memory I have (I know only one year has passed…but I have a short term memory…I’m serious) of the boards is my first one. I have hated Social Studies since the time I got to know what it exactly is. It is the most irrational and weird subject I have ever come across. No, I dont want to get into arguments anddebates abou this..becaiuse I intend to say something else...
And while it’s quite surprising that I remember the thing I hated the most, SST has been a torture for me since ages…
Come on, tenthies, here’s some consolation….

-------Applauses people??? Have some goddamn decency! :D------------

Bhilai is in Madhya Pradesh or Chattisgarh.
That was the question I was pondering over for the past few minutes. The classroom felt creepy, the invigilators as if called from hell….there I was, answering my Social studies Board Exam.

It wasn’t that easy, trust me. For a person like me, who still takes time to figure out whether London is in USA or Europe, it isn’t easy.
But after long measurements, which I’d like to think fell in place…I marked Bhilai in Chattisgarh.
That…was my last answer…..my LAST look at Geography….
It was almost time, so I slowly submitted my paper and walked out….I still can't forget the smile I had on my face when I submitted my answer sheet. I bet the invigilator must have thought that I was topping the exam…ha-ha!

As I moved outside the gate of my Board Centre: Navy Children Public School, I saw numerous parents literally clinging to the gate to see their child’s expression when she walks out of the examination hall. Whatever.
As I walked out, smiling broadly, I saw a few parents heave a sigh of relief. I looked around, wondering whether they were looking at their child or me. But, they were looking at me. As I neared them, I heard one of them say, “Oh, the paper is easy I think. Look how she’s smiling…”

No…they can't be that stupid…I thought.


Alas, parents tend to be stupid.

I decided to clarify…but then I saw my sister lurking outside the gate…and fearing that she too might cling onto it, I hurriedly walked towards her. And anyway, all the parents had shifted their focus to the other students who were coming out…so I decided not to bother.

I was so glad that my parents weren’t the type that would cling to the school gate.
I mean, how does that help anyway? I bet no girl even bothers to look outside the classroom window when giving her board. I mean, for god’s sake, she’s giving an exam…and she has seen her parents’ faces for a good fifteen years. Surely boards won’t be that torturous, that she could possibly forget them. Also, I wonder if there actually is a window that faces the main gate…oh…parents…Christ!
I was thankful, that mom and dad weren’t even around the gate anywhere. I could bet they were probably having an ice-cream sitting in the car.
Well, that is kind of weird…I mean either they trusted me so much that I couldn’t possibly ever get my paper screwed up…or…they were just of the very few parents who thought their faces could make their child nervous. Trust me; both the possibilities are equally dangerous….
But really, if we do not go into that, I think it’s the parents who are far more freaked out by this six letter word than the kids are.

Phew! That was some paper.
It seriously felt like I’d conquered the world…like a battle had been won…and DUDE, it had been won forever…
What made me happy that day wasn’t that I had marked Bhilai correctly, but that I was over with this damn subject….

P.S.: All the tenthies who chance to read this, a hell lot of wishes from my side…trust me, the after-math (pun intended :D) is really worth it….