The journey so far...

A feeble step on the vast ground,
The bougainvillea seemed an outright danger,
A heavy bag, stacked with books
To Carmel, I was a stranger…

A nervous wimp, a geek, a nerd,
I buried myself into copies and books,
I knew deep down this will never work…
But it was a lot better than the world with nooks.

I was scared to open up,
Afraid that people would jeer,
Under confident, weak and unnoticed,
I was a coward; it was established, and clear.

Six years later, a lot seems different,
I have a say, and I always say;
Arrogance, pride and selfishness,
These words are a part of my life everyday…

Friends, enemies, life changed for me,
People are to blame for what I am today.
But why, I am a happy soul this way,
And these traits with me will forever stay…

I don’t feel scared looking into the mirror,
This is me, and perfect like this…
I don’t know who to thank or blame,
For nothing at all, from the past, do I miss….

But one thing’s certain,
Carmel made all the difference,
I grew, I evolved. I changed, I became…
To this school, I owe my reverence…

Time for self

I love being the centre of repulsion. I love to spend time with myself. I love the silence of an eerie night. I love to remember disasters. I love to experience things out of the way. I love the wind blowing past me. The sound of silence. The music of loneliness. The happiness of failure. I love to innovate. Think, at times. I love doing nothing. I love dressing up for no reason at all. I love to refuse invites to parties. I love to be the maniac that I am. Sleeping. Dreaming. Feeling lost.
I love to feel weird about doing a particular job. It tells me I’m different. I love being different. I love hot food, minus the onions. I love to play scrabble endlessly. I love to dream of a time when I’ll have time. I love to watch television, more because it makes me forget. I love to forget things, faces, names, people…
I love sad endings, in books, stories, films. I love to be someone else. I love to analyze myself. I love myself. I love those stereotypical soaps on TV. I love to correlate. I love the feeling of being protected. I love to be cared for. I love to talk, sometimes. I love to just laugh off life till tears squeeze out. I love the irony in my laugh. I love the word – depressed. I love words. I love to write. I love the computer. I love to sit and stare out into the night. I love to talk to the moon. I love to feel the presence of God.
Miracles. Black magic. Life after death. Sun signs. Horoscopes. Future.
I love the thought of running away. I love to bicker, fight and shout, when I’m angry. I love to fantasize. I love to live in a dream world. I love to not admit, and face reality. I love the idea of schizophrenia. I love to understand emotions, intricately. I love the feeling of love. I love that thumping heart beat. I love the red in my cheeks. I love to think about stuff of MY choice. I love life, MY way. Lazing around. Sleeping for eternity. The air conditioner. My bed. My house. The coziness. The food. Momos.
Pizzas. Simple rice. Those dinner conversations. The feeling of being required.

I love looking at the dark side of things. I love to have few people around me. I love to think of old jokes, and still find them funny. I love to preserve what I write. I love to see photographs, observe. I love to think of people. I love to judge. I love being partial. I love crying at night. I love to wake up late. I love postponing. I love to never do some things. I love the feeling of carrying an empty bag to school. I love to go to school for a particular reason a particular day. I love to show people who care, I care. I love to spend time lavishly. I love being pampered. I love the luxury of a day all for myself. I love being online. I love to compete with my own messaging speed. I love games. I love to read HT City over a cup of brewing, hot, self made coffee. I love to taste food. I love to stand in my balcony. I love to doze off in my car.
I love to feel incomplete, as it helps me live on.
I love to live life MY way – THIS way.

P.S. : People, I don't have much to say, really. But I'm SO glad that I'm finally posting!! I mean, I've been breaking my head over this computer for the past two days, so you know...
Relief!

Tags...and all the fun in them!!!

1. Last movie seen in a theatre:
Hmmm...i saw Jodhha Akbar, ansd what's more, twice. Man...I'm vella!

2. What book are you reading?
Does it mean you're insane if you don't read too many books??

3. Favourite board game:
I love scrabble, but no one plays with me :(
I like chess too...no one plays it with me :(
I love carrom, my uncle used to be my best opponent, then he got married :(
*Sigh*
I really need some good, considerate friends!!

4. Favourite magazine:
I like reading Filmfare...Bollywood entices me!! And of course, there's Shah Rukh...

5. Favourite smells:
In public interest, my close friends nicknamed me 'disabled' as they have a feeling that i dont see, smell or hear anything...

6. Favourite sound:
I'm least interested in finding out which sound I like!!

7. Worst feeling in the world :
Living life when you really don't want to...
I go through this terrible feeling every damn day... :(

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Is it morning 'enough'? Is it necessary to get up and open my books?
Is my mother at home, and would be watching me study?
Trust me, science is catching up on me...

9. Favourite fast food place:
Ah...Pizza hut is THE best!

10. Future child’s name:
Two years ago, I was telling my sis, "If I don't end up with this guy, I'll name my kid Armaan."
Sheesh!!!
Now, Armaan's over and done with...and no more am I doing family planning...

11. Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…” :
Buy death.

12. Do you drive fast?
All I do is roll my eyes when my mother drives at 20km/h, and I have to sit beside her, bored...

13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? :-0
Does holding on to a pillow or bedsheet or whatever/whoever count?

14. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
I really don't know. I never really bothered to inspect the vegetable so closely.
I'll ask my mum if she cooks broccoli 'with stems' right away.

15. Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool. Atleast something adventurous must happen in life dammit...
A big earthquake, a tsunami, a hijack....something!!!

16. If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?
I'd exchange for a 'hair quality exchange' machine!!!! My hair is evevn worse than a....than hay, I guess!
Sorry, I had no better example in mind :

17. Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:
Delhi.
Man, my life is BORING in every way!

18. Favourite sports to watch:
You know what? I've been trying to understand cricket and soccer, and havent yet succeded. But with cricket, you know it's a happy thing when the ball crosses the boundary....
Soccer is hopeless...wait, I'm hopeless at soccer...

19. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:
Kika - Hmmm, I haven't really had the chance totalk to her too much...But i knew her some time ago, she's a sweet girl...with her reservations.

20. What’s under your bed?
The worst FIITJEE papers I never want to solve, my pair of slippers, my bottle, then my shoes..And what's the nailcutter doing here? I've been looking for it all over...

21. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Hell no!!!! I'd rather not be born then...

22. Morning person or night owl?
Night owl, when it comes to watching movies, awards shows, going online etc etc.
And I prefer to hibernate if it's studies...

23. Over easy or sunny side up?
Over easy, I guess...

24. Favourite place to relax:
Saumya, my friend's house is the best. Her mother loves attending to me, and my 'views' on every damn thing...

25. Favourite ice cream flavour:
I don't like ice-cream too much. I spill it every where, you see...and then it's a real mess. But if it's a must, I like Cornetto - lesser chances of spilling it...

26. You pass this tag to –
Radhika, Vasudha, Bharat, Disha, Akanksha, Shailja

27. Among people you tag, who do you think is going to respond the fastest?
Vasudha has stopped doing tags. So, cross out.
Bharat did one just recently, so he might not want to do another one right away. Cross out.
Disha will do it LATE. Plus, she's in USA. Cross out.
Shailja,lesser chances of it. Cross out.

My only hopes are with Radhika and Akanksha...
I just hope they have no other post in mind :P

***************************************************

Over? Sigh, I love answering random questions!!

When tagged, I'm at my best!!

Disha tagged me, and I'm all smiles about it.
Here I am, presenting my self-obsessed side...(oh! how I love to answer questions!!)

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.
1. What have you realised recently?
That life isn't really worth living, but isn't worth dying too.
2. Have you given your first kiss away?
Ahem. I prefer to keep it under cover.
3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 11 blog buddies you would take?
I dont waste time thinking about such weird stuff.
4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Melbourne, Australia. Gawd, I love the things I know about it...
5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
My wishes are too important to fit into one wish...sigh!
6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
I get all excited about it, but have never ever seen it :(
7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
My blog, man, I'm addicted!
8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Naah, I wouldn't go mad, trust me...
9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?I'll wait for him to say it.
I hate taking the first step :/
10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Alright, here goes Dish:
a. She writes stuff I always enjoy reading :D
b. She is a wonderful person with that little bit of mystery about her.
c. She's an amazing friend to have. Mwah!
(I can be so nice sometimes...wonder why people say I'm arogant, proud, selfish....)
11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
I have a list already, so I neednt think AT ALL:
a. He must be an awesome cook, who would cook for me everyday by will.
b.He must LOVE kids, as I hate them. (uh..yeah)
c. He must freak out when I cry in front of him, but console me nevertheless. (I'd love the humor the scene would create...LOL)
d. He should be towards the metrosexual side. (Okay, already many people tease me, now you don't start...)
e. He must love me just as much as he loves himself.
f. He must be successful, and must appreciate writing.
g. He must be good looking, and please, a helluva cleanliness freak like me...

I'm so nice to just have these requirements, right?

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
If I start, this blog would end up being nothing but the answer to this one. So, no comments.
13. What is the one thing you cannot live without?
Air? *confused with the question* And if you meant metaphorically, then I'm still confused...
14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Surely, I'd like themto come up with it rather than go on and bitch about it. I HATE backbiters.
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Happiness, and all the things that come with it. ;)
16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
Hell NO!! I loathe the idea of it like anything. I cant standwalkingten miles for silly things like shoes or dressed or books or stuff.
17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
Enigmatic.
(Dish, this word holds a very beautiful part of my life to it. Feel obliged...alright, I was kidding!)
18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
Nothing. I am happy with what I am. And I dont care if 'people' are not. :
19. The first time you felt you were in love?
Uh...happened around 9th...what a disaster it turned out to be!!
20. Would you rather have love but no money or money but no love?
Love, but no money.
(Let me clear out, I won't probably fall for a guy who hasn't a bank balance, in case you're thinking otherwise...)
******************************************************

And I tag:
Vasudha
Radhika
Akanksha
Prerna
Aanchal
Nik
Shailja
Pallavi

P.S:Lord, why do I always feel sad when tags come to an end...

Six and out!!!

Alright, Vasudha tagged me!!! (Yayee!!! Uh..whatever....)



The Rules:

1.Link to the person that tagged you.

2.Post the rules on your blog.

3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

**1**

I DONT like music. And yes, its the weirdest, most irritating part about me...but hello!!! Its entirely my choice and I WILL stick to it. I mean, not that I'm some headcase who doesnt like anything remotely sane, but just that; I simply dont see ay point in plugging something into your ear and shaking your head as if you're being given minorshock treatments. Moreover, with a hearing problem like mine, I dont think its fair enough to torture myself and others with such nonsense. And it doesnt soothe me, it moreover creeps me out if I listen to it for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch.

Moral: It doent happen to me, so i wont believe it. There, i see a science student...

**2**

I'm just disinterested. No, there arent any more words for my rude behaviour (read apparent) . I simply dont seem much curious about life. (Though one of those tests at facebook certifies me as curious, I think I know better....). And the best part is, i have realised this after much taunting and sarcasm...

Moral: I dont CARE...its how I am....

**3**

I want to experience weightlessness...perhaps its just one of those 'too much of physics' moods of mine, but...I want to know how it feel to let go of yourself.... And, I'm not freaked out about it...I'm serious...

Moral: I'd like to commit suicide someday....jump off the 7th floor!!!

**4**

I want to earn as soon as possible. Well, nothing like my parentshave grounded me and dont give out a single penny or anything....just thatrgular shit of being free...i really want to live life like I've always wanted to...

Moral: After 12th, I'm going to apply at McD's....yes, I donot want to work at a call centre at earn lots of cash....

**5**

I donot understand cellphones.Think about it, I'm going to be engineer, and it takes me an hour to figure out the model (Sometimes, it's even worse). And the best part is, i donot feel dedicated to this weird gadget at all. I donot like carrying one in my pocket 24X7. It freaks me out if I have to attend two calls in an hour. And I try my best to just keep away. And when my mum decides to ask me about her post paid and prepaid stuff.....*blink*

That's all I do till she realises two things

=> Her daughter hardly cares whether she buys post paid or prepaid, as she doesnt significantly understand ay major difference between the two.

=> She mustnt try to improve her realtionship with her daughter with such a topic in hand....

Moral: I wont utter a word next time some one makes mobile talk with me. They say *Silence is golden*

**6**

I love typing....NO, not that I'm planning to be a typist in the near future, but I do find it a lot easier than writing with a pen....so, there's a change in the saying...

*The keyboard is mightier than the pen*

Moral : Vasudha, we're poles apart...

I tag:

Disha

Radhika

Nik

Vasudha

Pallavi

Prerna

P.S.: Considering that all my recent posts have a post script attached to them, I'd like to carry the legacy forward...

I donot understand this post, I donot know why I'e written it, and I sincerely hope someone will explain that to me...

Shady people...

God save me from them...

When was the last time you have seen an expression on a person's face that you're still trying to comprehend...but it's gone! Well, if i's not happened to you, you're lucky or perhaps one of the likeable people among your peers. For when it comes to me...i have ( and i DO know) come across such instances which make me wonder what's wrong with me...
But there it goes, i have myself stated that people are meant to be bitchy...so one shouldnt care...but hello, somewhere down the line...yeah...i care, i wanna know why these people consider me so...arrogant, selfish, proud, @#$%d up...blah!!
SO, I have a plan...uh, too much official it sounded...so i have a solution to my own problem...(see, i dont even have a person who could offer me solutions..sob :( .. )
i have decided to figure out where people dont seem to like me...but christ! i need help...
say..True/False...(man..when you come to science, true false seems like life to you..and every decision is a plan...screw science!)

Okay...dont burst out laughing...its not funny...listing down your bad qualities when for so long you were living in a rosy world where you were purrfect...

ANYWAY...here i go....

1. I'm a bit too proud ( vel, though i dont consider that wrong...but still, people might...see, if you have it, flaunt it! err...sorry...I'm listing my evils...musn't justify them...)

2. Arrogance? Sure! ( i have to say something!!! you cant put me down by this...i just love it when people call me arrogant...its a nice word, aint it??)

3. Straight forward (That should have worked for me had this been a normal world...but here people are just simply WEIRD...so it kinda screws up my life...often...)

4. Selfish (okay, i'm surely not those 'I wont give you my pencil' kinds...nor do i hide my lunchbox deep into my desk so that no human eye could ever spot it...nor do i say no to people when it comes to giving them notes...what d hell!!!)

5. Short tempered ( Alright, i can be sued for this one...i cant even count how many times i have screamed at people for no good reason just because i wasnt feeling too nice that day...Sorry guys...if any one of you had to bear the brunt of it..)

6.Expectant (Probably that too, isnt as bad an evil...but people who know me quite well could understand this one...i guess!)


Phew!! That's it!! i cant torture myself any further....

Sob *! Sob *! Sob*!

I hope i get some good...sane...human...and kind answers...

Will i??? Will i not???

Yeah, that's all that i'm gonna do today..Valentine's Day couldnt have got better...gah!!

Should i buy a rose for this * Will i..Will i not?* thingy? Uh...i think its gonna be sheer wastage...forget it...
i will anyway get to know right....

Uhh...YEAH. >:(

Sciencie...No Problem...( Error 101 : Delete 'No' )

Man...when people told me that science was bad..

I was trying to be Superwoman (no..dont begin to visualise now...)

Actually watt lag gayi...and then the best part about this creepy, cruel and idiotic life(no, I'm not outta words, just being a bit decent...) is that person next door... yeah, the geeky alien who hasnt known life without books (not that he wishes to). When, once in a blue moon he looks out of his dingy room...all you can see is shreds of a youngster who has toiled so hard for a year that he has lost his identity...and it doesnt bother him...and as if making you feel guilty about your 'study routine' wasn't enough, he waves a hand at you. And when you suddenly start feeling that he is trying to become sane for once and wave back, he pops up THE question,
"How's your 11th going ? ? ?"

Blink !* Blink !* Blink !*

Like shit?

Naah, you dont want to say that to him...who seems like a butcher to you now...
Because you have heard the saying 'Put your best foot forward...'
So you do the best you could have done at that time...

"Great! .... Uhh...Good actually..."

This isnt a lie really, is it.... you just put your best foot forward...Right momma?

And then when he thinks he has sinned enough and needs to make up for it, he goes back into that cringy world...a world everyone expects you to be in..except you....

And you stand there...not even an inch inspired by that nerd....
And wait for some one else to open a window and wave a hand at you....


That's Life....( Read ' A Sciencie's Life ' )