That Cokehead Lost...

When I woke up that morning, my head felt heavy. I wasn’t exactly feeling all well. Infact, I just wasn’t well. My head felt dizzy, I had a running nose. I put together all the strength that I had, to get up and look around. I was on the beach. I tried to recall how I reached there, but after three lines of coke that I had snorted last evening, I obviously couldn’t remember. I tried to convince myself that I must have come here myself last night. I had no other choice, anyway.
As I stood there, staring at the violent waves, my life flashed in front of my eyes like a film roll. And I began to reminisce.

I knew my life wouldn’t be rosy the day I left my home, and along with that, a cozy life. But never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that it could get so rocky.
My parents had seemed like tyrants to me. They had a problem with everything that I did. And when, one fine day I realized that the life they wanted me to live wasn’t exactly the one I wanted to, I stomped out of the house. Anyway, they had expressed their disgust of the fact that I was their daughter, the day they found out I smoke and drank. I walked out, swearing under my breath to never return.

As I embarked upon a new life, all I carried along with me, was a bag in which I’d stuffed a few clothes and my certificates which proved my education. I had to carve a life out of these, and I knew there wasn’t any other way.
I got a job at a call centre. They paid me enough to fill my belly, but not enough to buy a house. I stayed at a pal’s place for a month or so, after which she blatantly refused to give me refuge. That was the first time I felt I ad done a huge mistake by walking out. I felt scared as I walked out of my friend’s house. I was completely broken.
I could see that I had no purpose in life. And that troubled me.
I spent the night under a street light. Homeless, helpless, alone…
I went to a bar the next day. That’s where I met a peddler, who offered to sell drugs to me. I refused, and walked away.
But the next time I went to that bar, and was trying to find peace in my vodka, I met him again. It was pure coincidence, and this time, I couldn’t refuse.
I found a purpose to live – cocaine.
The peddler would supply me cocaine, and I would pay him all my salary for it.
Cocaine was tremendously hallucinating, and I began to find peace in it. Each shot of it left me so lost, so high…
It was a healer, it took me away from all the troubles of the world.

I still lived on the roads, but now, I cared less.
I never felt anything was going wrong with me, till one day, my nose began to bleed. It pained severely. I tried to convince myself that it couldn’t be because of drugs. I couldn’t.
I knew it was cocaine.
But I never went to a doctor. I was scared. And there wasn’t anyone to force me anyway.
Life moved on.
My meetings with the peddler increased. I now snorted almost eighteen lines of coke everyday, after which I passed out.
One such night, I fainted. I hadn’t passed out, I had fainted with the pain I my nose, from where blood oozed out like anything.


When I opened my eyes next, I saw myself in a room which had been mine some time ago. Beside me, I saw my parents, who wept like anything. I cried. And I hugged them as tightly as I could. I didn't want to leave them. I just wanted to come back.
I was glad they agreed with me.

I had learnt my lesson.

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

Cocaine never went out of my mind. Life seemed incomplete without it. I hadn’t any will power to stop myself, so I feigned evening walks and went in search of my peddler.

I found him, and with him, I found cocaine.

My parents found out soon. Their faces told me they had given up all hope. They seemed shattered. And I couldn’t stand it.
I decided to leave once again. It was just my way of telling them to forget that they had a daughter. This time, they didn't stop me.

I knew I was ruining my life, as I met the peddler once again and snorted three lines of coke.
But somewhere deep down, I just wasn’t bothered. Cocaine was now my life. It was a different point that it was poison, too.

That was yesterday. As I watched the waves come and go, I realized how I had ruined my life to an extent after which I couldn’t step back.
And I was sad to admit, that I wasn’t happy with it.

I knew what I had to do today…let the waves take me away. For the first time after so long, I felt like being led by someone…

I needed a better high than what cocaine gave me, and what could be better than death.


Not much was left of life now…
Not much of life was left now…

Shady people...

God save me from them...

When was the last time you have seen an expression on a person's face that you're still trying to comprehend...but it's gone! Well, if i's not happened to you, you're lucky or perhaps one of the likeable people among your peers. For when it comes to me...i have ( and i DO know) come across such instances which make me wonder what's wrong with me...
But there it goes, i have myself stated that people are meant to be bitchy...so one shouldnt care...but hello, somewhere down the line...yeah...i care, i wanna know why these people consider me so...arrogant, selfish, proud, @#$%d up...blah!!
SO, I have a plan...uh, too much official it sounded...so i have a solution to my own problem...(see, i dont even have a person who could offer me solutions..sob :( .. )
i have decided to figure out where people dont seem to like me...but christ! i need help...
say..True/False...(man..when you come to science, true false seems like life to you..and every decision is a plan...screw science!)

Okay...dont burst out laughing...its not funny...listing down your bad qualities when for so long you were living in a rosy world where you were purrfect...

ANYWAY...here i go....

1. I'm a bit too proud ( vel, though i dont consider that wrong...but still, people might...see, if you have it, flaunt it! err...sorry...I'm listing my evils...musn't justify them...)

2. Arrogance? Sure! ( i have to say something!!! you cant put me down by this...i just love it when people call me arrogant...its a nice word, aint it??)

3. Straight forward (That should have worked for me had this been a normal world...but here people are just simply WEIRD...so it kinda screws up my life...often...)

4. Selfish (okay, i'm surely not those 'I wont give you my pencil' kinds...nor do i hide my lunchbox deep into my desk so that no human eye could ever spot it...nor do i say no to people when it comes to giving them notes...what d hell!!!)

5. Short tempered ( Alright, i can be sued for this one...i cant even count how many times i have screamed at people for no good reason just because i wasnt feeling too nice that day...Sorry guys...if any one of you had to bear the brunt of it..)

6.Expectant (Probably that too, isnt as bad an evil...but people who know me quite well could understand this one...i guess!)


Phew!! That's it!! i cant torture myself any further....

Sob *! Sob *! Sob*!

I hope i get some good...sane...human...and kind answers...

Will i??? Will i not???

Yeah, that's all that i'm gonna do today..Valentine's Day couldnt have got better...gah!!

Should i buy a rose for this * Will i..Will i not?* thingy? Uh...i think its gonna be sheer wastage...forget it...
i will anyway get to know right....

Uhh...YEAH. >:(

Sciencie...No Problem...( Error 101 : Delete 'No' )

Man...when people told me that science was bad..

I was trying to be Superwoman (no..dont begin to visualise now...)

Actually watt lag gayi...and then the best part about this creepy, cruel and idiotic life(no, I'm not outta words, just being a bit decent...) is that person next door... yeah, the geeky alien who hasnt known life without books (not that he wishes to). When, once in a blue moon he looks out of his dingy room...all you can see is shreds of a youngster who has toiled so hard for a year that he has lost his identity...and it doesnt bother him...and as if making you feel guilty about your 'study routine' wasn't enough, he waves a hand at you. And when you suddenly start feeling that he is trying to become sane for once and wave back, he pops up THE question,
"How's your 11th going ? ? ?"

Blink !* Blink !* Blink !*

Like shit?

Naah, you dont want to say that to him...who seems like a butcher to you now...
Because you have heard the saying 'Put your best foot forward...'
So you do the best you could have done at that time...

"Great! .... Uhh...Good actually..."

This isnt a lie really, is it.... you just put your best foot forward...Right momma?

And then when he thinks he has sinned enough and needs to make up for it, he goes back into that cringy world...a world everyone expects you to be in..except you....

And you stand there...not even an inch inspired by that nerd....
And wait for some one else to open a window and wave a hand at you....


That's Life....( Read ' A Sciencie's Life ' )