Listen....One LAST time....

10th December.
I guess it wasn’t even an important date in anyone’s life….but for me….it was.
It was my brother’s engagement ceremony….perhaps the most important event that had ever occurred in my life. I was seventeen, preparing for my twelfth board exams.
But nothing excited me more than my brother’s wedding, which was due in February.
As luck would have it, I had terrible fever on the 10th.
Mom and dad said I would have to get a check up done. I persisted, but they were simply adamant. They told me, after collecting the reports from the doctor; I could arrive at Okhla, where the ceremony was to take place.
They promised me, nothing would take place without me being there.
Since they didn't give me much choice, I agreed.

As they left the house early in the morning, I decided to catch up on some sleep before visiting the doctor. Anyway, no doctor would be available at such unearthly hours, I thought.
After a sound sleep, I woke up and went to the doctor. He wasn’t my family doctor so I had to be as formal as possible with him. We didn't have a family doctor, for some unknown reason. I wished him good morning, as he told me to take a seat.
As he took out my report from one of his furnished drawers, he stopped.

He then said to me, “Listen Rohan, I want to give this report to an elder person.”

I smirked at him. After such a drive in the terrible winter, he tells me that he doesn’t want to give the report to me.
But then it puzzled me. I asked, “But why?”
The doctor said, “You’ll get to know….get an elder family member with you please.”
I tried to explain to him that everybody had left for my brother’s engagement, but that stupid doctor wouldn’t listen.

I began to think about the elders I knew, who could help me with this problem I was stuck in.
Only one name came to my mind.
Karan bhai.
He was my elder brother’s best friend. Oh my god.
I had to hurry, else he too would be off to Okhla and I wouldn’t know what to do.
I hurriedly gave him a call at his place.

Karan bhai stayed with his own brother and bhabhi. He had been with my brother in all his ups and downs of life. He was more than family to me. I had grown up just in front of him.
As I narrated the entire episode to Karan bhai over the telephone, he said he’d be there as soon as possible.
I heaved a sigh of relief. At last, I would attend the engagement.
Meanwhile, mom called me up. She was literally shrieking when I told her I was still at the doctor’s. Before I could tell her that he had refused to give me the report, she snapped at me, and told me to hurry up.
I made a face as I cut her call. Parents can be so unreasonable. As I waited for Karan bhai to come, I saw some TV in the doctor’s office.
Since it was still morning, and early morning at that, only news was being aired on the DD channels. This doctor was a bored human, I guessed; since he had no cable.

Karan bhai reached in no time, as our houses were just twenty minutes apart.
He hugged me and said, “Couldn’t you have got the check up done later? Bothering me for no reason at all. I have so much work to do at your brother’s wedding as it is.”

I whined like a baby as I complained about the doctor’s weird behaviour.
Karan bhai too greeted the doctor and said, “I’m his brother’s friend. Can I have the report please?”
The doctor was perhaps in the weirdest mood that day. He took Karan bhai to one corner, murmured something into his ear and then handed him the report.

As Karan bhai walked out of the office with me by his side, he was silent.
That’s when I guessed something was wrong…with my reports.
I asked him a hundred times, but he did not reply.
At last when I gave up, he said, “Lets go, I think we’re damn late. I hope they haven’t exchanged rings…”
This kind of made me forget everything, and we both rushed to Okhla on our bikes…for the engagement.


My mother reprimanded me again, and didn't want any reasons still, so I ignored her and enjoyed the festive mood.
My bhabhi was the most beautiful one I had ever seen…and she was equally fun to be with. I was so glad that now I would have a partner in crime at home, and mom and dad wouldn’t just be after me…after all, they were going to have a daughter-in-law to worry about.

The engagement ended on a beautiful note, as my brother hugged the life out of my bhabhi. They were such a cute couple….I wished I too would get a girl like that.

Meanwhile, I saw Karan bhai handing the reports to my brother….and I also saw my brother going pale.

This was enough. Why couldn’t people just tell me that I had some problem? I mean, what could it be…elders just get tense for no good reason. I could bet it was just some typhoid, or jaundice…or maybe in the worst scenario…chicken pox.
So? Big deal???



But I guess they knew better than me. A few days after that, my brother and Karan bhai took me to another doctor.
Karan bhai told me that it was their family doctor.
I nodded as I knew why they needed a family doctor and we didn't. Karan bhai’s brother had two lovely daughters Jiya and Parul.
Parul was around ten, and Jiya was not even eight I think. They were so cute, that categorizing them as kids and assuming that they were irritating would be unfair.
But anyway, they were kids, and needed a doctor.

Their family doctor was their very good family friend too, I discovered as she welcomed all of us with a warm smile. As I was told to wait outside, the ‘elders’ did some talking with her inside. By now I had given up on knowing about the reports…because I knew they were unnecessarily getting worried.

After some serious talk, we bade good bye to the beautiful doctor, and went to another hospital, which I guessed had been referred by the lady doctor.

I was told to give another blood test, like I’d done when I had fever. Even that day I had been wondering why they needed a blood test, but that doctor had told me they would need it to check for some viruses. I had simply nodded, as I didn't understand much.

This time I didn't ask questions. I simply gave my blood test without much speculation.


The blood test made Karan bhai and my brother literally white in the skin.
And I realized that it wasn’t actually mere typhoid or chicken pox.
It was something serious…and I wanted to know what….




I soon figured out….when I was admitted in the Cancer ward at AIIMS, Delhi.



Life after that wasn’t very good. Though I wasn’t required to study, there was a hell lot I went through.

I saw mom with watery eyes forever. And dad trying to be brave…but not being successful at all. And brother trying to be as casual as he could pretend to be. And Karan bhai being the joke cracker, which he really wasn’t.
Bone marrow replacements…chemotherapy….and I soon figured out that I was suffering from Blood Cancer…..and hey, it was a big deal….

Around two weeks later, I was getting impatient. The doctors weren’t leaving me alone even for a second. My whole body pained with those injections and treatments.
I used to often shout at them, “Just leave me alone….for god’s sake!”

But nobody wanted to listen. Everybody was bent on curing me from cancer…which I knew was incurable…and a terrible disease.

Karan bhai’s family came to meet me one day.
Parul and Jiya hopped around the place, and played the video game, the only thing I was allowed to do at the hospital.
They perhaps didn't realize the gravity of the situation….kids…
But aunty and uncle did.
As they sat by my chair, I told them “My whole body pains. And I’m bored of eating the same thing day and night…”
They nodded like they understood, even though everybody knew that they didn't….couldn’t …


Another week passed by, and it dawned upon me that I wouldn’t be fine after that…
It was cancer, and high time I realized that life had ditched me…



And I have realized.

I know I won’t be able to see my brother’s family.
I know I won’t be giving my boards.
I know that mom and dad do not cry ‘just like that’.

And so, I just want to make myself feel better.
I want to feel, one last time, that I’ve had a good life….
I want to know, one last time, that I was a good human being…


Because…


Because I’m dying….




P.S.: This account is non-fictional. It is perhaps my tribute to the only person I had ever considered as my elder brother…